Halloween, Birthdays and Big Kids…

It’s Carys’ birthday on Wednesday (a very grown up 11 yrs old), so we combined her birthday party with Halloween.  Carys was a devil, I was a vampire, Kira was an executioner and Paul was a zombie (Dan is nearly 15 so didn’t want to dress up!).

The kids asked if they could go out ‘trick or treating’ down our road and just as they arrived back, some other trick or treaters arrived.  It was a young family with two small children. I herded all of our lot back into the house (6 of them went out), but I managed to get 7 back in!!!  One of the kids from this young family decided to join us!  I don’t know who was more worried – them because they were losing a child or me because I was gaining one!!!  We sorted out which child belonged where and they left with sweets aplenty!

I think everyone enjoyed themselves…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah – He’s enjoying that wig just a bit too much…

Sad today…

…’twas a sad day today.

The lovely Clare, who has been doing my nails for several years now, has gone and decided to give it all up and dedicate herself to being a full-time farmers wife!  She is one of the loveliest people I know and I wish her LOADS of luck and love her to bits!

But when one door closes another always opens, so in future the glorious Cat will be in charge and snee will continue to get his back scratched… 🙂

The Nail Retreat, St Ives

I blame myself!!

A major part of my job is to arrange travel. I can make all the arrangements necessary to get my guys all over the world using various modes of transport, so a few days in York, going up on the train shouldn’t be any trouble at all – should it?

I pre-booked EVERYTHING! It’s much better to book your train tickets in advance – that way you can choose which seat you want and you get a much cheaper ticket. Well, that’s what SHOULD have happened! Unfortunately, I didn’t take the ‘Paul factor’ into account…

We made it to Peterborough easily enough, but then we had to wait for the ‘pre-booked’ train from Peterborough to York. We were due to catch the 10:01 so had some time to get a coffee. A train pulled up to the platform that we were due to catch our train from (albeit 15 minutes early). Paul went off to ask the Guard if that was our train and rushed back saying that it was. We hurried to get on the train only to find that someone else was sitting in our seats. That should have been a warning sign, but Paul is a grown man and had gone to ask the nice Guard…hadn’t he?? We found some other seats and settled down for the journey. When the ticket inspector arrived she very quickly announced that we were actually on the wrong train and that we’d have to pay the full ticket price (because we’d caught an earlier one than our tickets allowed). So, an extra £60 later and we were on our way to York…

York was brilliant and, with a guide like Paul, history REALLY comes to life! We walked along the city walls which are crenellated. At each cut out in the wall Paul would point out that it was a ‘droppy droppy, stabby stabby’ bit – also giving a demonstration of how they did the ‘droppy droppy, stabby stabby’!! At the cross shaped cut outs in the wall, he helpfully explained that they were the ‘shooty shooty’ bits. Damn, that man can paint a graphic picture!!

One of the highlights of our few days away was a visit to The York Dungeons. As it was mid week and not the school holidays, the Dungeons were not particularly busy – let’s be honest, there were four of us!! On a number of occasions the big, brave, manly Paul pushed me ahead of him down the dark corridors and through the scary doors! I got picked on to stand in the dock and was accused of dancing around a fire singing ‘Beelzebub, Beelzebub conjure me a man…’ – it wasn’t the singing or dancing that was the problem – it was the fact it was Paul that I conjured!! I got picked on again in the torture chamber. I had to sit in the chair while an array of torture tools were paraded in front of us. Every dark doorway he pushed me through and every embarrassing thing I had to do were made worthwhile…the expression on his face and the way he physically winced when we were shown the device that was used to cut off a bloke’s manhood was priceless – he almost folded one leg around his entire body to protect his crown jewels! Needless to say, I wasn’t allowed to buy one of the choppers from the gift shop!! 😦

Oh, and of course I told him what was written on the stocks before taking a picture of him…

 

Yes, a good few days was had by both of us – and the journey home went very smoothly, so guess who was in charge of which train we got on…

Boobs, Bums & Feet!

We had a day out in Cambridge last Saturday (mainly coz I had to have a proper bra fitting and John Lewis seemed like the best place to go!) To give Paul credit where it’s due – he didn’t once hold up his hands in a cupping motion and tell the assistant that I needed a bra ‘that’ size!! Instead, his expression managed to display the appropriate level of disinterest as he sat down in the middle of all the knickers and bras whilst I got sorted out! (I don’t ‘do’ shopping so it was a case of “please measure me then bring three bras of the correct size – I don’t care what colour!”). To get over the stress of that bit of shopping, we went to one of the arcades and had a ‘fish pedicure’! Can’t recommend it highly enough – it was bloody lovely!! In fact I think we’re going to make a return visit in the next couple of weeks!

I left my phone in the pub last Sunday night and, come Monday morning, I felt lost without it! The thought of losing my text messages and photos made me feel sick! (Although, I think the huge quantities of alcohol may have also been a contributory factor – indeed, that probably played a significant role in me actually leaving the phone in the first place!). Thanks to the angels that are Phil & Becky at The Kings Head, my phone was returned safe & sound.

Now, although I was extremely drunk, I AM a drunk with memory, so it was with great amusement that I showed Paul the photos I remember taking of him & Bob in the pub that Sunday night. Neither of them have any recollection of these pictures which is slightly worrying as there is the obligatory ‘trousers down and arse out’ photo of Paul! I think we’ll have to curb the alcohol a bit on Sunday’s in future!!

Well, that’s the plan at the moment… 😉

Give me strength…

He’s even got the youngest at it now…

It’s no wonder she loves him so much!

Man or Turtle? You decide…

Is it me or is Paul morphing into a turtle???

I know I’ve mentioned a few times that Paul farts occasionally, but I never realised how much different food and drink can affect him! He used to have vegetables once (maybe twice) a week, but now he eats them a lot more regularly and his body must be getting used to them coz the farts still happen, but they don’t stink the house out so much. BUT – add a few pints of beer and you’re starting to get back to a lethal concoction again! Add red wine and you’ve got a mixture that the Military could use in chemical warfare!  I don’t even want to think about what it was like after he ate some blue cheese… 😯

Bought myself an iPad 2 with birthday money – such a cool gadget!!  One tiny problem though…tried to update my blog on it the other day but it wouldn’t show the text as I was typing it.  If only I knew someone who was a bit ‘geeky’ that could help with that…   😐

Well, that’s about it really.  Nothing amusing has happened lately (at least nothing that I can put on here without Paul killing me! 😉  )

The Big 40!

So, I reached the grand old age of 40 this weekend and what was the first thing that happened??  I wake up with an aching back… I am now old enough to be injured by sleeping!!!

Had a fab day out in London and (apart from a dizzy moment on the train when I thought my reflection was actually my sister) we had a pretty ‘sensible’ but enjoyable day! Paul even managed to resist the temptation to do his ‘flock of cows’ joke while we were on the train!  There was definitely no danger of him doing it on the way home because he was a tired little man who fell asleep almost as soon as the train started moving!

Bless him – we’d had a big lunch at The Hard Rock Cafe (where we got him a t-shirt to add to his many others from HRC’s around the world!). Then, as we’d spent so long on the underground (something he’s not really that keen on), we walked back to Westminster instead of catching the Tube.  Have to say how seriously impressed I am with the maps app on my phone coz it guided us beautifully! (We only went wrong once – at the very start – and that was coz ‘he’ said we needed to walk down a particular road and it was the wrong one – but my maps app made allowances for the ‘man directions’ and guided us back onto the right path!)  Who’d trust directions from a man whose phone didn’t even know which country we were in and wanted to take us to Westminster in the USA?!

Sunday was the perfect way to round off my birthday.  A fantastic roast dinner cooked by the lovely ‘Von’ in a room decorated with ‘Fab at 40’ banners and lots of sparkly number 40’s sprinkled all over the table! She’d even MADE me a chocolate and orange marble cake that tastes amazing!!  I’ve got some serious ‘girl love’ for her now!

Well, I’d better get on coz Von and I are gonna be ‘Ladies Wot Lunch’ today and I’m still looking pretty hungover from yesterday – I don’t think I possess enough concealer to cope with the bags under my eyes this morning!

I shall leave you with a little piece of advice…

If you see the lovely Paul on an escalator then NEVER get on behind him. We’d just started the descent and I could hear him sniggering.  The little darling had timed his fart to perfection and managed to leave it hanging in the air for all the commuters to enjoy while we were carried away to safety.  You can’t take that man anywhere… 😐

I hate ‘Cold Calling’…

Apparently, according to Bagpuss, I don’t blog enough!! A bit rich coming from the man who has only blogged 5 times himself since the start of July!! 😛

Anyway … just had a call from ‘Fabian’ at the Claims Advisory Group and the conversation went something like this…

Fabian:  Hi, I’m Fabian from The Claims Advisory Group how are you doing today?

Me:  I’m fine – Why? Are you a doctor?

Fabian: Oh, no ma’am. I’m from the Claims Advisory Group.

Me: Oh, in that case why did you want to know how I am?

Fabian: Errr, I was just calling to talk about Payment Protection you’ve been missold.

Me:  So, what’s that got to do with how I am??

Fabian:  I’m sorry Ma’am, but I’d like to talk to you about Payment Protection.

Me:  Well, I’d like to discuss your reasons for being curious about my health.  Are you telling me that I’m ill and I NEED payment protection?

Fabian: (getting more than a little scared at this point I think!) NO MA’AM!!

Me:  Well, you ARE a doctor then if you can determine the state of my health just by speaking to me?

Fabian: Ma’am, I’m sorry I…

Me:   Fabian? Would you like to hang up this call and go bother someone that gives a f*ck about what you want??

Fabian:  Thank you Ma’am, have a ni… *sounds of beep beep beep as I gently hang up whilst chuckling to myself…*

I bet he doesn’t ask the next person “how are you doing today?” 😈

Weekend, sunburn and love-puffs…

What a fab weekend!  Even the grumpy teenager managed to break into a smile a few times! (Admittedly, it was when either he or Paul were taking the piss out of me – but I’m ok with that…for now!)

Spent Sunday at Wicksteed Park and had a great family day out.  The log flume was the favourite…up until the boys (aka Paul & Dan) decided that it wasn’t enough to just float around as we should, but to wildly rock the boat left & right instead! Once we’d screamed at them enough to stop, the next ‘good idea’ they had was to flick water at us from behind. (We were sitting in height order so the boys were at the back).  I think Paul may have instigated that one, but Dan managed to take it one step too far by scooping a bloody great handful of water and then chuck it over me! Had a slight sense of humour failure at that point, but we soon got over it.  I got a little bit sunburnt – well, burnt enough that if I stand next to the side of the road traffic will mistake my shoulders for the ‘stop light’!

It’s officially the start of the school summer holiday today and I’m working from home for the next couple of weeks, so I really should get on with some of it but I’ll leave you with this little ‘heart-warming’ story…

I get up this morning to make Paul a cup of tea and do some beef sandwiches in lieu of the bacon rolls he’ll be missing as I’m not in the office.  I deliver the tea to the bedside and get back in for a quick cuddle.  Paul sits up, gets his tea and then casually lifts his arse cheek, aims at me and farts!!! 😦  Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not after eternal praise and gratitude, but I was kinda hoping for a ‘thanks babe’ or a hug.  Instead, I was subjected to the bubbling sewer that is his arse!  When I pointed out that maybe a ‘thanks’ would have sufficed his response was “…but I was giving you a love-puff!” 😯

Some days I do struggle to remind myself just HOW lucky I am… 😐

Just a little test…

You’ll have to forgive my inexperience – I just want to see if I can put a picture & link in here! (Yeah, I know … but I’m a beginner!!!) 😛

For those who haven’t had the pleasure – here is Bagpuss!

Bagpuss Yawning Sound Clip – (or could be snee – it’s very hard to tell!!) 😯