Dull, weird and slightly disturbing thoughts…

Posts tagged ‘days out’

I wasn’t rude…

I went to London with my sister-in-law (Denise) on Saturday to see the very funny Sarah Millican at the Hammersmith Apollo.

We were making a bit of a day of it, so hopped on the train to Kings Cross at lunchtime with the intention of having some food, a few drinks and then off to the gig!

All was going very well…we got off the underground at Westminster and wandered along the Embankment having a giggle, watching a few of the street performers as we walked.  On our way to the food establishment of choice (The Gourmet Pizza Company … yum yum), we passed the ‘Time for Change’ volunteers who were providing different activities / information on mental health issues.  They’d got these people dressed up in giant type costumes with long arms and they were trying to grab people as they walked by.  Now, one of them managed to get hold of my arm, but I managed to wriggle free with a smile and a “not today, thanks”.

On our way BACK to the underground, one pizza and two double vodkas later, we were STILL having a giggle.  We were chatting away to each other and generally minding our own business when, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a woman in a ‘Time for Change’ t-shirt walking in a line to intercept us.

Well, we really didn’t want to get into any deep conversations at that point…we were a little bit tipsy and off to a comedy gig…so I said (in a VERY polite way) “I’m sorry, we’re not interested today, thank you!” and carried on walking (good manners cost nothing after all and I didn’t want to ignore her completely).

As we were passing her, I heard her say…”well, that was rude!”

Now, maybe the best thing to have done would have been to continue walking, but the “well, that was rude!” rattled around in my head for about 3 seconds and I had to stop mid-stride!  I turned to face the woman…

“Excuse me?  I’m sorry, we’re not interested today, thank you is rude???”

I got a mumbled “yes” in reply.

“No…” says I, “fuck off, we’re not interested…now THAT’S rude!”  😡

With that I turned around and flounced off!

So, I wasn’t rude…at least, not to start with!



I blame myself!!

A major part of my job is to arrange travel. I can make all the arrangements necessary to get my guys all over the world using various modes of transport, so a few days in York, going up on the train shouldn’t be any trouble at all – should it?

I pre-booked EVERYTHING! It’s much better to book your train tickets in advance – that way you can choose which seat you want and you get a much cheaper ticket. Well, that’s what SHOULD have happened! Unfortunately, I didn’t take the ‘Paul factor’ into account…

We made it to Peterborough easily enough, but then we had to wait for the ‘pre-booked’ train from Peterborough to York. We were due to catch the 10:01 so had some time to get a coffee. A train pulled up to the platform that we were due to catch our train from (albeit 15 minutes early). Paul went off to ask the Guard if that was our train and rushed back saying that it was. We hurried to get on the train only to find that someone else was sitting in our seats. That should have been a warning sign, but Paul is a grown man and had gone to ask the nice Guard…hadn’t he?? We found some other seats and settled down for the journey. When the ticket inspector arrived she very quickly announced that we were actually on the wrong train and that we’d have to pay the full ticket price (because we’d caught an earlier one than our tickets allowed). So, an extra £60 later and we were on our way to York…

York was brilliant and, with a guide like Paul, history REALLY comes to life! We walked along the city walls which are crenellated. At each cut out in the wall Paul would point out that it was a ‘droppy droppy, stabby stabby’ bit – also giving a demonstration of how they did the ‘droppy droppy, stabby stabby’!! At the cross shaped cut outs in the wall, he helpfully explained that they were the ‘shooty shooty’ bits. Damn, that man can paint a graphic picture!!

One of the highlights of our few days away was a visit to The York Dungeons. As it was mid week and not the school holidays, the Dungeons were not particularly busy – let’s be honest, there were four of us!! On a number of occasions the big, brave, manly Paul pushed me ahead of him down the dark corridors and through the scary doors! I got picked on to stand in the dock and was accused of dancing around a fire singing ‘Beelzebub, Beelzebub conjure me a man…’ – it wasn’t the singing or dancing that was the problem – it was the fact it was Paul that I conjured!! I got picked on again in the torture chamber. I had to sit in the chair while an array of torture tools were paraded in front of us. Every dark doorway he pushed me through and every embarrassing thing I had to do were made worthwhile…the expression on his face and the way he physically winced when we were shown the device that was used to cut off a bloke’s manhood was priceless – he almost folded one leg around his entire body to protect his crown jewels! Needless to say, I wasn’t allowed to buy one of the choppers from the gift shop!! 😦

Oh, and of course I told him what was written on the stocks before taking a picture of him…


Yes, a good few days was had by both of us – and the journey home went very smoothly, so guess who was in charge of which train we got on…

The Big 40!

So, I reached the grand old age of 40 this weekend and what was the first thing that happened??  I wake up with an aching back… I am now old enough to be injured by sleeping!!!

Had a fab day out in London and (apart from a dizzy moment on the train when I thought my reflection was actually my sister) we had a pretty ‘sensible’ but enjoyable day! Paul even managed to resist the temptation to do his ‘flock of cows’ joke while we were on the train!  There was definitely no danger of him doing it on the way home because he was a tired little man who fell asleep almost as soon as the train started moving!

Bless him – we’d had a big lunch at The Hard Rock Cafe (where we got him a t-shirt to add to his many others from HRC’s around the world!). Then, as we’d spent so long on the underground (something he’s not really that keen on), we walked back to Westminster instead of catching the Tube.  Have to say how seriously impressed I am with the maps app on my phone coz it guided us beautifully! (We only went wrong once – at the very start – and that was coz ‘he’ said we needed to walk down a particular road and it was the wrong one – but my maps app made allowances for the ‘man directions’ and guided us back onto the right path!)  Who’d trust directions from a man whose phone didn’t even know which country we were in and wanted to take us to Westminster in the USA?!

Sunday was the perfect way to round off my birthday.  A fantastic roast dinner cooked by the lovely ‘Von’ in a room decorated with ‘Fab at 40’ banners and lots of sparkly number 40’s sprinkled all over the table! She’d even MADE me a chocolate and orange marble cake that tastes amazing!!  I’ve got some serious ‘girl love’ for her now!

Well, I’d better get on coz Von and I are gonna be ‘Ladies Wot Lunch’ today and I’m still looking pretty hungover from yesterday – I don’t think I possess enough concealer to cope with the bags under my eyes this morning!

I shall leave you with a little piece of advice…

If you see the lovely Paul on an escalator then NEVER get on behind him. We’d just started the descent and I could hear him sniggering.  The little darling had timed his fart to perfection and managed to leave it hanging in the air for all the commuters to enjoy while we were carried away to safety.  You can’t take that man anywhere… 😐